


Close

by explodingchips



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hyunwoo - Freeform, Kihyun - Freeform, M/M, Showki, shownu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 08:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15139091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explodingchips/pseuds/explodingchips
Summary: "Cherish your life, kid."





	Close

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: this story may be triggering/sensitive to some people. just a heads up, it's partly about mental issues and self harm. PLEASE DO NOT read if you are uncomfortable, read at your own risk. i love yall so pls click away if you cant take it okay? :)

Silence. 

The same heavy silence ran around in my head while a bunch of noises screeched in my ears.  

There isn't a distinctive voice that stood out. It's all just in a bundle that only made me more frustrated than usual. 

There's no one at home except me. Stuck in isolation. 

_"I wont be home late today. Don’t worry okay? Take care and I love you."_   This was what Hyunwoo said about 6 hours ago before leaving me at home. I could still feel the faint grasp of his strong hands on my shoulders as a sign of reassurance.  

_"I'll be fine." I said with a small smile._

I found myself, 6 hours later, leaning against the end of the bed with a thick duvet wrapped around me. With me curled up into a ball, I'm guessing this is the most I can get out of feeling a little protected.  

Hyunwoo said he was coming back soon. But I'm terrified that even before he comes back, I'm already long gone.  

"If this ever happens to you again, breathe. Deeply. It'll calm you down and hopefully gets rid of the sounds in your head." 

I tried.

Stopped.

I listened.

And the voices were still there. 

Despite me scrunching my eyes and curling my toes against the soft carpet, I can't get rid of the stupid, horrid words that I continue to hear as seconds go by. 

 

_"Useless."_

_"Worthless."_

_"Everyone would be better without you."_

_"Such a burden."_

_"Leave already."_

_"Aren't you tired already? Give up."_

_"Youl'l never make it."_

 

These words push me around as my mind drifts away from the current moment. My eyes are slowly clouded and my vision blurs out. I see blotches of darkness filling the corners of my eyes. I feel myself spinning around while I'm still steady on the floor. I blink a few times. Trying to get rid of all the negative signs. But with every second my eyes close, I still see darkness. I slowly feel lightheaded. 

 

Maybe if my eyes stay open, I'll see the light. Light knows no darkness. Right? So, i opened them. and I looked around me. Nothing's wrong. Nothing negative. No dark clouds and surprisingly no one's voice is ringing in my ear. My lips curved up a little and slowly.  

Maybe I would be okay. I looked at the time and saw it's close to 7.  

"He's coming back real soon." 

I get up and head to the bathroom. As soon as the most of me left the floor, I felt my legs in a wobbly and unstable state. Despite that I managed to limp my way through.  

I looked at the mirror. I saw how pale I was. How red my eyes were. How weak I was. How vulnerable I was. How small I felt. How I felt everything was crashing down on me.  

The cold, icy water slashed through my thoughts. It sent goosebumps all over me. The action was repeated a few times before drying my face.  

I headed towards the kitchen next, wanting to prepare a snack for myself and probably Hyunwoo when he gets back. I decided to make a simple sandwich and began to get the ingredients.  

I was fine. perfectly fine. Everything was going so smoothly. The sandwiches were _**this**_ close to finishing. Until. Until my finger got cut by the knife I was chopping the tomatoes with. The dark red liquid flowed put of my finger, creating a small droplet. I quickly washed it and covered it with a tissue.  

_"Oh my god. Can't you do anything right? The hell is wrong with you?"_

_"Look at him. How pathetic."_

_"How old are you? 5? Can't even cut properly."_

_"Why not just cut yourself? Easy."_

_"HAHAHAH. Idiot."_

Unconsciously, I was pressing my wound hardly with the tissue still wrapped around it. The dark red patch grew bigger and bigger as each second passed. Something suddenly struck me and I reached for the knife. I aimed the sharp end towards my wrist and gently dragged it downwards. I concentrated on my scars that imprinted my arm. There were pale pink, slightly puffy healed scars. As the cold metal knife touched every inch of the scars, shivers ran down my back. Slowly, I pressed down harder on my skin and pulled the knife closer to me. I saw blood rushing out but somehow the longer I stared at it, it felt like suddenly the present passed by in slow motion. Hollow echoes and deep murmurs filled my surroundings.  

In a flash, my head hit the solid, hard ground.Groaning, I felt the pain starting from my arm heading towards everywhere. Hot tears flowed out and sharp yet short shrieks came out of me calling for help.  

_"No one's here to help you anymore, kid."_

"Hyunwoo, take care. I'm so sorry." I said to no one. 

This all lasted for what seemed like an eternity before I blacked out.

 

 

 

**Hyunwoo's POV**

Shit. Why isn't he answering any of my calls? 

_"Please leave a message after the beep.--"_

It's been 1 whole hour since I told Kihyun I was coming back. Sure 1 hour seemed like a short period of time, but with Kihyun's condition it would feel like forever. I was in my car, racing against time. Not exactly going off the speed limit completely but just fast enough to skid past other vehicles. With every line painted on the road that disappeared one by one as I sped, I prayed so hard in my head. Praying he was okay. Praying he was still breathing, at least. 

 

Finally I was home. I immediately rushed out of my car, reaching the doorknob. The cold I felt from the doorknob sent shivers down my spine. 

"Please, please be okay." I mumbled to myself until I finally unlocked the front door. Taking my first steps into the house, oblivious to today's situation.

"Baby, I'm home." I tried to sound as casual as I could. I kept walking towards the couch, waiting for an answer, or at least a single sound. But, there was nothing. I placed my work stuff on the couch and started heading for the bedroom. 

"You here?" I looked around the room, only to find a made bed and an empty bathroom. Next, it was the kitchen. 

"Babe." I called out. As I took more steps towards the kitchen, I saw a slender leg laying on the floor. And that's when I rushed towards it. Kihyun was lying there. On the cold, hard floor. Unconscious. A small pool of blood surrounded near his wrist, followed by blood droplets that lead to a knife next to him. The counter had a dried spot of blood with unfinished cut vegetables beside it. I looked at Kihyun with anxiousness overflowing. His face was pale and slightly cold. 

"Kihyun-ah. Wake up." I tried to wake him up. I pressed my hand onto his heart, trying to feel for a pulse. His heartbeat was slow, soft but constant. He was still alive but barely alive too. I immediately carried him and headed to the car again. To the hospital we went. 

 

 

 

 

**Kihyun's POV**

_I thought I saw the light. It was shining brighter and brighter as I was pushed to an end._

_"Are you sure you want this?" A voice spoke aloud. It was a deep, rich and echoish voice. It came from the core of the light,  which was the brightest part. I looked behind me and saw another end._

_"Who's that?" I asked._

_"I'm anything. Anything you think I am. I'm light, a god, wind, a star, just anything." It replied. It was all strange. But familiar._

_"I ask again, are you sure you want this?"_

_"Want what?"_

_"Death. It seemed like this was your plan or something. That's why you're here."_

_"So, is this heaven?"_

_"Not exactly. It's not exactly anything either. It's just filled with clouds." I looked around and indeed, there were clouds. Nothing else but white, fluffy clouds._

_"Say, kid. You look familiar. Have you been here or something?" And it struck me. I've been here before. When I was fifteen. It was when I attempted my first suicide. At that age, I didn't think I would faint, I just, did it. And I saw the same light, heard the same voice._

_"I...I have."_

_"Then, I know who you are." I raised my eyebrow._

_"I do! I know you! You're the grown up version of 15 year old Kihyun, aren't you?" I was taken back. I slowly nodded to the light._

_"Well, it isn't good news you're here. Again. What's wrong? There has to be a reason why you're here for the second time."_

_"I--" And I was cut off by a faint shout._

_"Kihyun-ah!"_

_Hyunwoo?_

_"Ah, Son Hyunwoo. A loyal man, indeed. I believe he's yours?"_

_"Yes, sir."_

_"With him by your side, I can't see what would be the problem. The people I meet here tell me how they weren't loved, appreciate or were abused, those kind of things. And I immediately categorize them as dead people. But you, I even asked you if you really wanted this."_

_Silence._

_"Look, kid. You have someone down there who'd love you til his life ends. Many don't have that special someone. And I know deep down you know he's more than enough. I also know the Earth you is suffering from depression. But let me tell you something. Hyunwoo will be there no matter what. I promise you, he will stay by your side until you get better. So please, I'm giving you a chance, get back down there and live your life. Or I could end your life here. Up to you, kid."_

_I played with the options in my head. I loved Hyunwoo but dealing with what I had was tough and painful. And I was tired of it all. But ending it all would be selfish of me. Hyunwoo's unending love and support he gave me all this while would go down the drain. Wasted. After contemplating, I finally decided._

_"Okay, I'm sending you back down. I don't wanna see you back here again, you hear me?" I nodded furiously at the light._

_"Good. Now, before I let you go, forget all this and live your life happily with no regrets. And remember that I will always be here supporting you. I got your back, kid. So now, I bid you my farewell. Til we see again when it's the right time." And that was the last thing I saw before I was swallowed into the darkness._

 

My eyes flew open in an instant. I looked around me and saw Hyunwoo sleeping right beside me. I tried to lift my hand to touch him but quickly flinched to the pain of my wrist. I turned my arm around and saw that the cut had been covered with a white patch. 

It looks the same.

"You're awake." The sudden voice from Hyunwoo made me jolt a bit. 

"Y-yeah, I am." 

"Are you hungry?" 

"No. I don't think so."

"Well, I'm going downstairs to grab something. I'll ring in the doctor." He got up from his seat, dressed in something more casual and kissed my forehead. Before I could even say anything, he left already. Soon, a nurse came in. 

"Kihyun-ah, you're awake." She said with a bright smile as she poked her head into the room.

"Cass, you work here?" She nodded her head. Kelsi, my best friend from high school. I haven't seen her in quite a while but we still contact each other once in a while. I was quite surprised she was here. The last time I spoke to her, she said she was at a cafe, head over heels for the cute barista working there. Didn't think she'd pick up medicine. Nevertheless, I felt content she was here. 

"Does your arm hurt a lot?" 

"Yeah, but just slightly." She hummed in reply. I watched her as she slowly took off the patch from my arm. 

"Tell me if it hurts, okay?" 

"Hm."

After she was done cleaning and bandaging the wound, she finally said something.

"I saw a guy here with you. Is he someone close?" She asked.

"He's...my boyfriend." 

"Ooh, that's cute." And that started our conversation. 

"Why'd you do that?" She asked again. All of a sudden.

"Do what?"

"Your arm."

"Oh..." I hesitated for a while before presenting an answer to her. 

"It's fine if you can't answer that right now." That's when Hyunwoo walked in. 

"Anyways, uh, I have to go. Remember to rest well and know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." She squeezed my arm softly before leaving the room.

"I got you a drink." Hyunwoo said as he placed it on the table before sitting next to me. 

"You're not going to ask me anything?" I asked. Hyunwoo sighed before meeting his eyes with mine.

"I want to. But I know it's something not even you can explain. I don't want you to feel pressured into giving me an answer. I don't need an answer. I just want you to know that even if the world turns against you, I'm here. I'll always be here for you. It sounds cliche and all but I'm serious. Dead serious. I love you more than my heart can and I really can't bear losing you. So, yeah."

My heart skipped a beat after he said that. He was right. I couldn't explain why it happened or what caused it. But all I knew at that second was that, I was utterly grateful he was there. After all this time, after countless of accidents that happened, he stayed. 

"H-hyunwoo-ah, c-can you come closer?" I stammered. He came closer. And I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Thank you. For everything. From the day you met me until now, thank you for not leaving me. Thank you, Hyunwoo. I love you." I said in the crook of his neck. I felt genuine happiness spreading everywhere. It was warm and finally I smiled. For real this time. 

I could hear someone at the back of my head saying,

_"Cherish your life, kid. It's short and it's worth every second."_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this fic. im sorry to anyone i offended or hurt through this story but if there is anyone you know whos going through a tough time or u think is going through a tough time pls be there for them no matter how big or small their problem may be. we should all spread love ok? xo


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